Separation Anxiety in Dogs: What to Do and the Rules That Actually Matter
If your dog has separation anxiety, you’ve probably come across a long list of things you’re apparently not supposed to do.
Don’t let your dog sleep on your bed.
Don’t let them follow you around the house.
Don’t give them too much attention.
Don’t make a fuss when you come home.
Don’t reassure them if they’re worried.
The problem is, most of these “rules” come from a misunderstanding of what separation anxiety actually is.
Separation anxiety isn’t caused by your dog getting too much attention, sleeping on your bed or being particularly attached to you. It is a genuine fear of being alone.
So while there are some important principles to follow when you’re training a dog with separation anxiety, they’re probably not the rules you’ve been told to follow online.
What is separation anxiety in dogs?
Separation anxiety is a fear of being left alone.
A dog with separation anxiety may become worried when they anticipate being left, when their person leaves, or when they are alone.
This can show up in obvious ways such as barking, whining, destruction or toileting. But some dogs show much subtler signs of anxiety, which can easily be missed.
That’s why effective separation anxiety training isn’t about stopping a particular behaviour. The aim is to gradually change how your dog feels about being alone.
And that’s where the real rules of separation anxiety training come in.
1. Suspend absences outside of training
One of the most important things you can do when starting separation anxiety training is to stop leaving your dog alone outside of your structured training sessions.
I completely understand why this can feel difficult.
Taking the bins out, popping to the shop or leaving for work might seem very different from deliberately leaving your dog alone for hours.
But if your dog is unable to cope with those absences comfortably, each one can give them another opportunity to experience the fear you’re trying to change through training.
Instead, you need to arrange alternative care while you build your dog’s ability to be alone. This might mean family, friends, a dog sitter, daycare or another suitable arrangement.
It isn’t forever. It’s about protecting the progress you’re making while your dog is learning a new emotional response to being alone.
2. Always train within your dog's comfort level
Separation anxiety training needs to be gradual.
The goal isn't to see how long your dog can tolerate being alone and then keep repeating that duration.
Instead, you want to find a starting point where your dog is genuinely comfortable and build from there.
That might mean your dog can currently manage seconds rather than minutes.
That’s okay.
There is no universal starting point for separation anxiety training because every dog is different. The right level depends on your individual dog, their body language, their previous experiences and what they are comfortable with right now.
The aim is to keep training at a level your dog can cope with, rather than repeatedly pushing them towards the point where they become distressed.
3. Learn your dog's body language
Not every dog with separation anxiety will bark, howl or try to escape.
Some dogs show much quieter signs that something is becoming too difficult.
They might yawn, lick their lips, become hypervigilant, change position, stop engaging with something they were previously interested in or repeatedly look towards the door.
This is why knowing your dog's normal behaviour is so important.
A behaviour on its own doesn't necessarily mean your dog is anxious. You need to look at the context and patterns across training sessions.
Learning to recognise when your dog is becoming unsure allows you to make better decisions about when to continue, when to reduce the difficulty and when to return.
4. Make sure your dog's needs are met
Separation anxiety training doesn't happen in isolation from everything else going on in your dog's life.
Sleep, exercise, enrichment, routine, health, pain, changes in the household and stressful events can all affect how a dog responds to training.
If your dog has had a stressful day, isn't feeling well or hasn't had enough opportunity to rest, they may not be able to manage the same level of training they did previously.
That doesn't necessarily mean you've lost progress.
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is recognise what your dog needs that day and adjust accordingly.
5. Create a training plan for your individual dog
Separation anxiety training works best when you aren't simply deciding what to do based on how the last session went.
Your dog needs a plan.
That means knowing where you're starting, what you're working towards, which steps come next and what you will do if your dog isn't comfortable at a particular level.
The plan should be based on your individual dog's behaviour and progress rather than following a fixed programme that tells every dog to increase their duration in the same way.
And importantly, having a plan doesn't mean you have to follow it rigidly.
Your dog's body language and progress should guide your decisions, so you can make adjustments when needed while still having a clear direction for your training.
So, what about all those other separation anxiety rules?
What about letting your dog sleep on your bed?
Following you around the house?
Giving them attention when they ask for it?
Greeting them when you come home?
Reassuring them when they're worried?
These things aren't what causes separation anxiety, and changing them isn't what teaches your dog to feel comfortable being alone.
Of course, there may be perfectly good reasons to change something about your dog's routine. But if you've been told that you need to make your dog less attached to you in order to resolve their separation anxiety, that's a very different thing.
Your goal isn't to make your dog less attached to you.
It's to help them develop the confidence to feel safe and comfortable when you're not there.
The rules that actually matter
When it comes to separation anxiety training, the most important principles are much simpler:
Suspend absences outside of training.
Start at a level your dog can genuinely cope with.
Learn to recognise your individual dog's body language.
Consider their needs and what's happening in their wider environment.
Create a training plan based on your individual dog and adjust it as they progress.
There isn't a single set of rules that will work for every dog.
Good separation anxiety training is about understanding the individual dog in front of you, knowing what they are communicating, and having a plan that allows you to progress at a pace they are ready for.
And if you're trying to do this on your own but aren't sure where to start, what your dog is telling you during training, or how to decide what to do next, this is exactly where individual support can make a difference.
My 1-to-1 separation anxiety training is built around your dog, their starting point and their progress. You'll have a personalised training plan to follow, feedback on your training videos and ongoing guidance so you're not left trying to work out the next step on your own.
You can find out more about my 1-to-1 separation anxiety training programmes here.
