Is It FOMO or Separation Anxiety? Understanding Your Dog's Behaviour
Does your dog struggle when they can't be involved in what's happening around them?
Perhaps they follow you everywhere, become unsettled when you leave the room, or bark and scratch at the door when you leave the house without them.
You might put this down to FOMO, or fear of missing out. Perhaps they just want to know what's going on and don't want to be left out.
But what if there's more to it than that?
Some of these behaviours can also be signs of separation-related distress. And while frustration about missing out and fear of being alone aren't necessarily the same thing, they can overlap.
So how do you tell the difference, and does it matter if you can't?
To understand how best to help your dog, it's important to look beyond the label and consider what they might actually be experiencing.
What is FOMO in dogs?
FOMO stands for fear of missing out. When we use the term to describe dogs, we're generally talking about dogs who find it difficult when something they want to be involved in is happening without them.
This might be when you leave the house, another member of the household goes out, visitors arrive, or something interesting is happening in another room.
Some dogs will simply be curious about what's going on. Others may become frustrated when they can't join in, while some can experience much more significant distress.
The term FOMO isn't a formal behavioural diagnosis, so it doesn't tell us exactly what a dog is feeling or why they're behaving in a particular way.
And that's an important distinction.
Is it FOMO or separation anxiety?
Although FOMO is often used to describe a dog who doesn't want to miss out, the emotions behind their behaviour may be more complicated than that.
Research into separation-related behaviour in dogs has found that different emotional states, including fear and frustration, can contribute to how dogs respond when separated from their guardians.
For example, frustration can occur when a dog wants access to something but is prevented from getting it. A dog who wants to follow their person but can't may find that restriction frustrating.
Fear and anxiety are different emotional responses. Fear involves responding to a perceived threat, while anxiety is associated with anticipating a threat or uncertainty.
These emotions can overlap, and a dog's response can change depending on the situation.
A 2021 study by Lenkei and colleagues, published in Scientific Reports, found associations between dogs' responses during separation and their reactions to situations associated with fear or frustration. The findings support the idea that separation-related behaviour can have different emotional causes.
You can read the study here: Separation-related behaviour of dogs shows association with their reactions to everyday situations that may elicit frustration or fear.
This research didn't investigate FOMO as a distinct condition, so we can't conclude that every dog described as having FOMO is experiencing fear or anxiety.
However, it does highlight why we shouldn't assume that a dog is simply frustrated because they want to join in.
In practice, it can be difficult to determine whether a dog is primarily experiencing frustration because they can't be involved, a fear of being alone, or a combination of both.
A dog may become frustrated because they want to follow their guardian, but they may also feel anxious about being separated from them. These emotional responses aren't necessarily mutually exclusive.
The important thing is that we don't always need to establish exactly which emotion is driving the behaviour before we can help.
Whether a dog is struggling with frustration, fear or a combination of the two, we can use gradual exposure to help them become more comfortable with being unable to join in. We start at a level they can manage and gradually build from there, adapting the training to the individual dog and their responses.
Why we shouldn't dismiss FOMO
When we describe a dog as nosy, clingy or simply wanting to come with us, it's easy to assume that they just need to get used to missing out.
But if they're genuinely struggling, expecting them to eventually get over it doesn't address what they're experiencing.
Repeatedly exposing a dog to something they find difficult doesn't automatically teach them to feel differently about it.
Instead, we need to understand what they can currently manage and help them gradually build their ability to cope with those situations.
This is particularly important when a dog finds being left alone difficult.
We don't need to know the perfect label for their behaviour before recognising that they may need support.
How do you help a dog with FOMO?
When a dog struggles because they can't be involved, gradual exposure is an important part of helping them become more comfortable with the experience.
This is the same underlying principle used when working with other forms of separation-related distress.
Rather than repeatedly putting a dog into a situation they find difficult, we start at a level they can manage and gradually build from there.
For a dog who struggles when their guardian leaves, this might involve working through small steps around the door, such as moving towards it, opening it and eventually stepping outside.
For another dog, the starting point might be much earlier in the process.
The aim is to give the dog opportunities to learn through manageable experiences, always progressing at a rate they are comfortable with.
The training plan needs to reflect the dog in front of us, rather than assuming every dog will respond in the same way.
Meeting your dog's needs matters too
Alongside training, it's worth looking at whether your dog has enough opportunities to fulfil their needs throughout the day.
Depending on the individual dog, this might include:
Breed-appropriate activities
Sniffing and exploring their environment
Play and interaction
Mental stimulation and training
Appropriate physical activity
Opportunities to make choices and engage in natural behaviours
These experiences give dogs opportunities to do things they enjoy and engage in behaviours that are important to them.
When a dog's physical and mental needs are being met, they may find it easier to settle and relax at home. Having a fulfilling daily life can support their overall wellbeing, but it doesn't necessarily mean they'll find being left alone easy.
It's important to understand that meeting your dog's needs isn't a replacement for separation training. Even a dog who receives plenty of enrichment, exercise and attention can struggle when left alone.
The aim isn't to keep your dog so busy that they don't notice you're gone. It's to provide a fulfilling daily life while also helping them develop the skills they need to manage when they can't be involved.
Dogs need opportunities to switch off, too
Meeting a dog's needs isn't just about providing more activities.
Rest and downtime matter just as much.
Dogs also benefit from having opportunities to relax while their family is busy, enjoy their own activities and learn that they don't need to be involved in everything happening around them.
This doesn't mean ignoring your dog or deliberately excluding them from family life.
Instead, we can create everyday opportunities for them to practise being comfortable while we're doing something else.
For example, they might enjoy an enrichment activity while you work in another room, settle on their bed while you read, or choose to rest while other household activities are taking place.
We want dogs to have opportunities to enjoy their own activities and relax without needing to be involved in everything we do.
For some dogs, this comes naturally. Others may need more help developing these skills.
And if your dog already shows signs of distress when separated from you, these everyday opportunities should complement their separation training, not replace it.
Is it FOMO or separation anxiety?
When a dog struggles because they can't be involved, it's easy to assume they simply don't want to miss out.
But the label doesn't tell us how they're experiencing the situation. Frustration, fear and anxiety can overlap, and it isn't always possible to identify exactly what's driving a dog's behaviour.
Rather than focusing too much on whether it's FOMO or separation anxiety, focus on what your dog is finding difficult and what they need help learning.
Being able to miss out, settle independently and feel comfortable when they aren't involved in everything are skills that some dogs need help developing.
If your dog struggles when they can't be involved or finds being left alone difficult, you don't have to work through it on your own.
I offer personalised online separation anxiety training, tailored to your dog's individual needs and the things they're finding difficult.
