How to Train a Dog with Separation Anxiety
If your dog struggles when left alone, you may have tried all sorts of advice to help with their separation anxiety.
Perhaps you've been told to give them a Kong, tire them out with a long walk, leave the TV on, or gradually increase the amount of time they're left alone.
But effective separation anxiety training isn't simply about finding ways to keep your dog occupied while you're out, or seeing how long they can tolerate being alone.
The aim is to help your dog feel more comfortable when they're alone.
And while gradually increasing alone time is an important part of the process, there is much more to successful separation anxiety training than simply adding seconds to a stopwatch.
What is gradual desensitisation for separation anxiety?
Gradual desensitisation is the training method I use to help dogs become more comfortable being alone.
It involves gradually exposing your dog to the experience of being alone, starting at a level they can comfortably manage and slowly building from there.
The important part is the gradual.
We aren't simply choosing a duration and repeatedly asking your dog to stay alone for longer.
We're looking at your individual dog and finding a starting point that allows them to experience being alone at a level they are comfortable with.
As their comfort with being alone increases, we can gradually increase the duration.
Every dog has a different starting point
There isn't a universal starting point for separation anxiety training.
For some dogs, training may be able to begin with a few seconds outside the door.
For others, that would already be too much.
They may first need to become comfortable with things such as:
Walking towards the door → touching the handle → opening the door
This is why advice telling you to simply start with a certain number of seconds alone isn't appropriate for every dog.
The starting point needs to be based on your dog's individual response, rather than an arbitrary duration.
Why doesn't other separation anxiety advice always work?
Separation anxiety isn't simply a behaviour problem.
Your dog is experiencing an emotional response to being alone.
The barking, whining, pacing, scratching, destruction or attempts to escape that you see can be expressions of that underlying distress.
This is why common advice such as giving your dog a longer walk, leaving food for them, putting the TV on or simply leaving them for longer doesn't address the underlying problem.
These things may be useful for other reasons, but they don't change the emotional response your dog has to being alone.
If your dog is afraid of being alone, the solution needs to address that fear.
Changing how your dog feels about being alone is what allows their behaviour to change.
Why I don't recommend practising pre-departure cues in the early stages
Dogs are incredibly good at recognising patterns.
Over time, your dog may learn that certain things predict you leaving.
Picking up your keys.
Putting your shoes on.
Getting your coat.
Picking up your bag.
Walking towards the door.
This can become a predictable sequence:
Keys → shoes → door → alone
You may also have been advised to practise these cues as part of separation anxiety training, for example by picking up your keys, putting your shoes on or walking towards the door without actually leaving.
While this can be useful later in the training process, simply practising these cues doesn't change how your dog feels about being left alone.
And for some dogs, repeatedly rehearsing the sequence can actually make the training process harder, because you're repeatedly highlighting the cues that predict something they already find difficult.
That's why I don't recommend focusing on pre-departure cues in the early stages of separation anxiety training.
Instead, we first focus on helping your dog develop comfortable experiences of being alone.
Once their perception of being alone has changed, those pre-departure cues can be gradually reintroduced.
And because your dog is now feeling differently about being alone, those cues are often much easier to work through.
Why suspending absences is essential
Another important part of the early stages of separation anxiety training is suspending absences.
This means avoiding leaving your dog alone outside of planned training while we're working on changing their emotional response.
This can understandably feel difficult.
You need to go to work.
You have appointments.
You want to see friends.
Life doesn't stop because your dog has separation anxiety.
But repeatedly leaving a dog for longer than they're comfortable with gives them repeated opportunities to experience the very fear we're trying to change.
If we're gradually teaching your dog that being alone is safe and manageable, we don't want their everyday absences continually taking them beyond that level.
Suspending absences allows us to create a much more controlled training environment, where we can focus on successful experiences rather than repeatedly practising distress.
Why gradual desensitisation isn't as simple as adding more time
At first glance, separation anxiety training can sound incredibly straightforward.
Your dog can manage 10 seconds.
So you do 20.
Then 30.
Then a minute.
But your dog isn't a stopwatch.
Their ability to be alone isn't necessarily the same every day, and increasing the duration isn't automatically the right decision simply because they managed the previous repetition.
The question isn't just:
"How long did my dog manage?"
It's:
"How did my dog feel about being alone?"
This is one of the most important parts of effective separation anxiety training.
What does comfortable actually look like?
Not every dog experiencing separation anxiety will bark, whine or panic.
Some dogs show much more subtle changes when they're beginning to struggle.
You might notice:
Increased vigilance
Following
Lip licking
Yawning
Changes in body language
Difficulty settling
Repeatedly getting up and moving around
Watching the door
Changes from their usual behaviour
None of these behaviours automatically mean your dog is anxious.
That's why context matters.
When reviewing separation anxiety training, I look at the whole picture rather than relying on one behaviour or simply looking at how much time alone your dog managed.
Being able to spot these subtle changes can help prevent you from progressing faster than your dog is ready for.
Why your dog's training plan needs to be individual
There is no single separation anxiety training plan that will work identically for every dog.
One dog might progress quickly through the early stages.
Another may need considerably more time working through door desensitisation before they're ready for you to step outside.
And even within the same dog, progress can change depending on what's happening outside training.
Their routine.
Sleep.
Health.
Exercise.
Visitors.
Changes in the household.
What's happening in their environment.
All of these things can influence how comfortable your dog is during training.
This is why separation anxiety training needs to be individualised and adjusted as your dog progresses.
So why work with a separation anxiety trainer?
At this point, you might be thinking:
"If the method is simply gradually leaving my dog for longer, can't I just do this myself?"
You absolutely can learn the basic principles.
But knowing that you need to gradually increase the time your dog is left alone is one thing.
Knowing exactly where to start, when your dog is ready to progress, when to make things easier and what their behaviour is telling you is another.
That's where my role comes in.
I create the training plan
I don't give you a generic programme and expect you to work through it independently.
Your training plan is based on your individual dog, their starting point and their progress.
As your dog progresses, I adjust the plan so you're always working at an appropriate level.
I help you spot the subtle signs
Your dog doesn't need to be barking or panicking for us to decide that something isn't quite right.
Video reviews allow me to look closely at your dog's body language and behaviour and help identify changes that might be easy to miss.
I look at the bigger picture
Separation anxiety training doesn't happen in isolation.
I'll help you consider what's happening outside your training sessions that could be affecting your dog's ability to cope.
I help you set your dog up for success
The aim isn't to keep pushing for bigger numbers.
Sometimes the best decision is to repeat an easier exercise.
Sometimes we need to take a step back.
And sometimes the plan needs to change.
My job is to help you make those decisions based on how your dog is actually responding.
I provide support and accountability
Separation anxiety training can feel slow, particularly when you're measuring progress in seconds.
Having someone to review your training, answer the “Was that okay?” questions, explain what you're seeing and tell you what to work on next can make the process much less overwhelming.
You don't just get a training plan.
You get someone helping you understand what your dog is telling you throughout the process.
Separation anxiety training is about changing how your dog feels
Gradual desensitisation sounds simple:
Start where your dog is comfortable and gradually build from there.
But applying that principle effectively to an individual dog is much more nuanced.
The starting point is different for every dog.
Progress isn't always linear.
Your dog's ability to cope can change.
And the signs that tell us they're ready for more aren't always obvious.
Ultimately, we're working towards more than simply increasing the amount of time your dog can be left alone.
We're working towards your dog feeling genuinely more comfortable when you're not there.
And that's why effective separation anxiety training needs to be based on your dog's individual response, rather than simply following a stopwatch.
1-1 Separation Anxiety Training
If your dog struggles when left alone, you don't have to figure out the training process by yourself.
My 1-1 separation anxiety training programmes are designed around your individual dog, their starting point and their progress.
You'll receive personalised training plans, video reviews and ongoing support throughout your programme, so you always know what you're working on and why.
